Urban Dictionary defines a FuckBoi ( among other definitions) as : “The male equivalent of a Basic Bitch”.
Urban Dictionary defines a Basic Bitch as: “A bum-ass woman who think she the shit but really ain’t.”
If you find yourself still confused, chances are you probably don’t know how to spot a FuckBoi in their many incarnations.
So after consulting some unfortunately qualified single gals, I present a list of some FuckBoi experiences so you can have a laff, but also to help you identify the signs indicating that you may be dealing with a time waster douche.
The “No Banter” FuckBoi-
Attempts at witty, flirty text exchanges on your behalf are met with “??” or topic changes that usually involve invitations to “Netflix and Chill”.
Sorry mate, no cheeky bants, you aint gettin’ in me pants.
The “Talks to you on every social media platform but won’t talk to you when he sees you in person, then tells all his mates you won’t stop chasing him” FuckBoi-
You’re texting me Bro, want me to show everyone in the pub?
The “I used to be mean to you but now you’re hot, I’m interested” FuckBoi-
In the words of Borat “You will never get dis, you will never get dis, lalalala”.
The “I never have sex with a condom, but it’s okay, I’m clean” FuckBoi-
Usually followed up with a “Aren’t you on the pill?” zinger.
Apart from not wanting to get pregnant, I also don’t fancy contracting a sexy bout of Chlamydia.
Thanks, but no thanks.
The “You’d find a really nice guy if you didn’t drink so much…” FuckBoi-
Aside from NOT asking for your opinion, wine also isn’t going to wake up one day and leave me for their 20 year old secretary.
The “WYD” FuckBoi-
Also known as the “Booty call” FuckBoi.
What am I doing? Right now?
It’s 2am on a Saturday morning.
I’m in bed, in my Winnie the Pooh flannelette pajama’s that have 3 day old soup stains on the front.
The “Plans the future” FuckBoi-
Yeah okay, I’m down for a honeymoon in Hawaii.
And if you want to send the kids to boarding school so we can focus on renovating our Hampton’s beach property that’s fine.
When was the last time I heard from you since you told me all this stuff?
3 months ago? Okay cool.
The “Goes out with you for a month, then dumps you because you won’t put out” FuckBoi-
Every gal’s inner 17 year old, angst ridden self can totes relate on some level.
This exact circumstance.
What? Bitter? Me? Nah…I’m totally not bitter about it…Peter.
The “40+ hitting on a lass in her 20’s” FuckBoi-
Not interested, Old Balls.
The “Uses insults as a pick-up line” FuckBoi–
Known in circles as “negging”.
“Don’t be boring.”
I’m sorry did you say something? I wasn’t listening.
The “I dated your best friend for two years, and that didn’t work out, but hey you’re cute, want to go out for coffee? A coffee never hurt anyone” FuckBoi-
*Eye rolling intensifies*
The “Come over and I’ll dazzle you with a sausage roll from the bakery, a coffee mug full of goon and the football on the T.V until it’s time to go to bed. What do you mean you’re not getting naked? It’s our third date. Can I at least get a wristy?” FuckBoi–
Yeah. That happened.
The “You’re playing hard to get” FuckBoi-
No, I’m just not interested.
The “It’s no wonder you’re single” FuckBoi-
Some people just can’t handle rejection.
The “Ex-boyfriend” FuckBoi-
4am text message. “I miss you…”
NOT TODAY SATAN!
With these experiences in mind, hopefully if you’re navigating the dating world, you’ll be able to spot and quickly avoid these life draining types.
Feel free to share your own FuckBoi tales/ warning signs in the comments and remember: “Your value does not decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.